At least that's what I thought he was doing, but when I squinched down in the driver's seat of my car (which was still parked in the driveway) I could see that what he was actually doing was slamming the hatchback repeatedly and cursing.
After about fifteen slams, the neighbor finally reached into the back of the car and extracted the largest single bunch of bananas I have ever seen. There must have been twenty-five or thirty bananas on there;it's like he'd gone to the banana tree and hacked off the whole limb. I could see that they were so heavy he had to bend from the knees to support the sheer banana tonnage.
Then he slammed the hatchback, and this time, it stayed closed! Were there more bananas still in there, all crushed and pulpy and extruding from the door mechanism, and the next time he tried to open the hatchback it would be glued shut? It seems likely.
The mystery is, why so many bananas? I thought of some reasons, and here they are:
- world-record banana split
- Vegas juggling act
- fake guns for bank robberies
Also, as an interesting side note, this is the man who keeps ducks in the house. Do ducks eat bananas? Or has he adopted a gorilla, and if so, do gorillas like duck served in a whimsical banana sauce, because I hear some gorillas enjoy fine cuisine right before they beat someone to death. It would work out okay in the end, probably, because the gorilla would love tooling around in the Bananamobile.
If the neighbor seems suddenly a lot hairier, I'm calling the police, is all I'm saying.
Circus yard update:
My neighbor to the left has added to his gazing ball collection. He's up to seven, and it's pretty exciting, because it won't be long until every plaster animal in the yard will have it's own gazing ball, and that is not only a beautiful lawn tableau, it is also democracy in action probably, or the American dream for plaster squirrels and crocodiles. It's something to see when they light the tiki torches at night, how the light bounces off the balls. Close your eyes right now if you want, and visualize it. I'll wait.
Okay, that's enough, because I have big cul-de-sac news!
Next to the drunken teenage battalion, a new family has moved in! They have a flat screen TV that can be seen from space, and several lawn gnomes lounging in the flower bed. This is an important contribution to the neighborhood, because gazing ball man has sorely neglected the gnome option in his own yard.
And the lawn gnomes are way lucky, because on sunny days, which here is like every day, the dad of the new house throws the garage door open. And the gnomes get a front row seat to the tattoo parlor that's been set up in there. People come and go all day; he's doing a roaring business as far as I can tell.
It's a genius business strategy because it's low overhead, an extremely short commute from home, everyday is casual Friday because he does the tattoos in a bandanna and bedroom slippers, and plus it has built- in longevity, what with the elementary and high schools right around the corner. It pays to build your customer base early, is what I always say.
I do too.
Well I would, if I had mad tattooing skillz.