Friday, May 22, 2009

Tiny Food and Brave New World - It's Friday.

This picture is pretty much the wallpaper inside my head.

Finally it's Friday. This stuff sums up my week:

  • Despite my known introverted tendencies, I was asked by a local theater director to volunteer today as the pre-event entertainment. Apparently I just needed to "warm up the crowd" with some jokes and beach ball tossing. Also, "could I please come dressed as Ginger from Gilligan's Island?" Sadly, my slinky dresses and come-hither voice are both at the cleaner's.
  • My students, when asked to work in small groups to develop their own utopia, almost universally chose to create a dark police state featuring population control through baby killings, an economy based on robot slave labor, and full brainwashing of its population. I fear for the days when I am gumming my food and these are the people who are in control. I am so getting euthanized.
  • I have not been able to get this jingle line out of my head for the last three days ----herding cows the size of schnauzers, but they're cattle! Twice I sang it out loud in public without meaning to. Damn you, Jack in the Box.
  • I received two pairs of underwear in the mail with the name of a famous tennis player on the waistband. Bjorn Borg underwear, to be precise. They're very pretty, and no, I will not model them for you. Many thanks to Miriam and Anni!
  • I received an award from the Jules over at The Gravel Farm! - thanks again Jules! If you haven't read his blog you need to go over and check him out. He always makes me laugh. Always.

This means I officially need to get my butt in gear, (which is a weird expression now that I look at it, but whatever), and hand out some awards. Soon!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!


Anna Russell said...

Let's just hope none of your students ever becomes a world leader.
But hey, you could always use your tennis player knickers as a superhero costume and defeat them!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You might not have access to your slinky dress, but you could show up on stage in your Bjorn Bjorg underwear. That'll warm the crowd up.

Gaston Studio said...

Damn, iDDefatigable took the comment right out of my mouth!

Your students scare me.

Dr Zibbs said...

Hahahahaha - jokes and beachball tossing. I don't know why I found that so funny.

Walter said...

I say we just put your sutdent sin charge. If we never create the distopia of so many science fiction novels, how are we ever going to have totally amazing speeches about the power fo human emotion and love and other totally sweet stuff we take for granted? We need those speeches, and we need oddly charismatic and emotional (in spite of their government-enforced emotional numbing) protagonists to say them. Those students deserve an A.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Sounds like your class has been watched Escape From New York one too many times.

diane said...

Congrats on being asked to do a live gig! I think you should try it.
Whenever I blurt out the song that's stuck in my head, which I consider to be a form of exorcism, I usually follow with "I've been hanging out with my grand daughter" and then laugh a little. This might make me look a little nuts, and you said there were no nuts to this post.

erin said...

I lurve that photo. 'lurve' is love in Celine Dion-Speak.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

What?? Someone asked you to warm up a crowd? You know what this means, vic? I might have to revoke your membership to the shy, awkward, shaky club. The SASC. That leaves just me. Crap, I made membership buttons with my button maker and everything. I was going to tell you about it, but I was too shy.

Kurt said...

I believe the children are our future, but those crazy little effers make me nervous nonetheless

@eloh said...

This posts brings to mind one of my Vic words: magistricide, a noun meaning the killing of a teacher or master.

Watch out those little booger eaten' tards don't get ya Vic.

The "warm up" . . go get em.

Mr. Condescending said...

you should paint over that wallpaper!

Vic said...

Anna Russell,
I could take them one at a time, but in a group they'd just taser me and feed me to the crocodiles the military will use to dispose of dissenters.

the iND mj,
I think that's the equivalent of yelling "FIRE!" in a crowded theater. The panicked stampede out of there could be lethal...

Gaston Studio,
When Orwell saw the future, he was reading the minds of my seniors. Start packing the survival supplies. :)

Dr. Z,
That's the same reaction I had on the phone when he suggested it.

In these particular dystopian worlds the protagonist would be so stoned the speech would sound like helpful comments from Paula Abdul.
With giggling.

Little Ms Blogger,
I'm afraid some of them just come by it naturally.

If I have lines and a scene, I'm okay. Joke-telling and crowd-warming, oh lord no. The awkward silences would be palpable.
I blame everything on the dog.

I think that's the only thing I've heard Celine Dion say I understand then! (Except "Take a kayak!")

I want my button, please! I'm still in the club, I'm like treasurer, or something.

See,I made up an excuse to get out of it, in a halting, unbelievably awkward way, and then I practiced knock knock jokes under my breath to myself instead. The jokes were pretty funny except the last one, which I didn't get.

They are your future, if your future includes Big Brother and unpaid work. "Teach them well and let them lead the way..." Oh God.

That is an excellent word! Except it means I die, so that's sort of a drawback.

Maybe if I fail them all they'll never leave school and enact their evil plans?

Mr. Condescending,
I don't know, I sort of like it. There's someone on the slide in the background (in my head) you just can't see them. They're invisible.

Scrappy Doo said...

Thats kinda scary wallpaper.
Those kids scare me.
The tiny cows scare me and the man with the big round head too!

Some kind of week you had your having


Peggy said...

Where's the tiny food? What am I missing? And where on God's green earth are you teaching? Scary stuff there Vic!

PorkStar said...

I like the pic! Kinda ironic, somewhat.

Shawn said...

I hope they last longer than my John McEnroe underwear.

Jules said...

Congrats on YOUR award!!! You rock! Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Traceytreasure said...

Those Jack-In-The-Box commercials are genuis! The song is stuck in my head too, it's not just you!

Hope you have a happy weekend!


Eric said...

Dam, now I have that Jack-n-the-box tune going and I can't find the volume!!!

Dominica said...

You're the 3rd person in 3 weeks time that is getting some Bjorn Borg's knickers for free ! I swear that's true !!
I think BB not only wanted to rule the world of tennis but also wanted to be in every woman's trousers too :-)

K @ Blog Goggles said...

I'm not really sure what that list of things means (maybe I've had one drink too many), but that image is priceless.

The Devil's Daughter-In-Law said...

I'm literally LOL at your students' utopian ideals. Wish my own kids were such go-getters!

And I've never even HEARD that jingle and now it's stuck in my head...

The Jules said...

hey, its 2009. Where's my goddamn alligator-drawn cart?

Ta for the menshun!

Margo said...

the kids today think Tom Cruise and Kenau (sp?) Reeves movies are actually from the future. I'm with ya on the getting euthanized. I wish I could have seen your act... you do stuff LIVE? like warm up the crowd? Can I find any of your stuff on YouTube? Vix Chix and Dix can take it viral.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

WOuldn't mind seeing the undies...

Michelle said...

How long will your butt actually be "in gear"?


Mandy's Kidding said...

Hell, Thomas More's Utopia was no kind of place I'd like to live.

Your students amuse/scare me.

HumorSmith said...

Not one award from you, ever Vic. Not even a comment =about how damned hilarious I am. Instead, all I ever get from you is word verification abuse.

"ishic", indeed. "Uh oh, get out ub de way, ishic again!!"