Because of the crazy vertigo. Vertigo! Spinning, spinning, spinning in infinity, and oh, it’s like the Hammerhead after too much funnel cake, and the car windows are steamed up in the rain, and there goes the pavement whizzing by your head again, and the greasiness is coming back up..
…But it’s not the 1980 Lane County Fair (silly!), it’s vertigo!, which hits hard, out of the blue, an hour and a half before Back To School Night. Which she stubbornly tries to attend anyway, wearing a scratchy teacher dress and too-high heels.
I’ll just hold on tight to this podium, she thinks. Easy peasy. Until the school bosses say no, probably it’s bad to appear to have been drinking heavily while speaking to parents. Or maybe it was Go Home, Drunkard. Pshaw. Either way.
And then instead of teacher speeching, she is driven to the Rapid Care, which, SURPRISE! turns out to be rapid, true to its word, only the nurse attendants laugh behind their hands at the weaving and bobbing, and bouncing off of walls like Mario or Luigi in the hands of a novice, and also after a few cartoon Limon cellos. Hoo hoo!!
And, oh, the motion-sickness. Are the walls really green here? she wonders, and then just a little resty of the forehead on the cool, cool greenness.
And then a tiny amused doctor in a little white coat appears, who says “how about a shot for that nausea?” and she hates him a little and also loves him even as she is pulling down her pants and the needle is very, very sharp.
This will make you drowsy, someone says.
But wait, how did I get this?! she calls down the hall, which is rising and falling, rising and falling. Clowns are laughing in the hidden rooms.
“Cilla!” They say. And at first she thinks, Elvis always called her Cilla, but no, it’s cilia, and hers are all bent up wrong somehow from a virus. Never mind.
And then she sleeps. Hours and hours of sleep. There are some dreams of ships on the ocean, a surging ocean, and then the worst is over, except for sometimes the cilia conduct a sneak attack, like when she is discovering the anagram for her name is “Lovingly, Cow Larcenist”, and suddenly the floor is rushing up fast as she is thinking Am I the cow or do I steal from cows?
But it doesn’t matter, because at least from here the floor is still, and she finally finds that earring she’s been missing.