Wednesday, September 09, 2009

I bet Jigglypuff could sing that dog to sleep. But then she’d have three foreheads to draw on with her Magic Marker.

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel the hot breath of hell hounds on the back of your neck? Where you feel anxiety about the uncertainty of the future, and about how the boatman’s gonna row all of us over the river some day, like it or not?

Me neither.

It was just a rhetorical question.

And it’s not like I spent any time this last weekend playing with someone else’s child’s toys, cruelly fitting Wendy upside down in the center jaw, and then Sir Handsome straight out to the side at a ludicrous rigor mortis angle, and then introducing Anonymous Sidesaddle Elf Princess to the remaining jaw, carefully squeezing the plastic dog teeth closed around her abdomen.  My friend did that.  She even laughed a little while she did it.

I was as shocked as you are.  I think she has some unresolved aggression probably. I only laughed too so she wouldn’t be a lonely laugh-er.  Nothing’s worse than being a lonely laugh-er. Except maybe a flesh-eating disease.

And just because I took a picture of the nightmarish tableau and then set Cerberus free to wander in a dreamy marsh-like Photoshop environment with his jaws full of human chew toys, you shouldn’t think I was enjoying playing with molded plastic, or that it represents anything. No strained metaphor here, no commentary on the impending death of childhood.

Definitely there was no contemplation on the worry you might have about  maybe having to give up your favorite action figures just because you’re in middle school now, and what if the other kids find out you have a box with awesome elves and Harry Potter figures, and maybe even some old Pokémon (oh,there’s Jigglypuff!) at home, and that they still matter?

It’s just a picture.  Sheesh.  Let’s change the subject, shall we?

So. I was going to write a post last night, but Manson was on the History Channel, and those people feel like family.

Actually, they mostly just look like I remember my cousins when I was little, all long, pointy hair and groovy clothes and mysterious smoking things in their hands.  Also an air of danger, and some mindlessness.

Anyway everyone on the show was oddly familiar, and then I had a bad post-simulated –murder- spree taste in my mouth, and no time left to post.

But tonight I’m here, writing a post about (let’s pretend that Manson detour never happened, okay with you?) Greek mythology, and Peter Pan, and some existentialist angst, and a great kid with a box full of childhood.  I hope he keeps that box for a long, long time.

Sing us out, Jigglypuff.



Jules said...

Wow. Which do I love more? Aggression being taken out on plastic toys or Manson-like family members? Hmmmmm.........

@eloh said...

Sorry, but I choose the mansonesque family over the escaped singing urine bladder anyday. That Jiggley pink thing always set off my creep-o-meter somethin' terrible.

Miss Yvonne said...

Oh Jigglypuff...I had forgotten all about you, but this post brings you and your little pocket monster friends back into my mind. Also back in my mind is all the time I spent with my 7 year old niece watching your stupid show and running to get seats to see your first stupid movie and also sitting at Burger King on Wednesday nights for your stupid card exchange/jr. whopper night.

Now I remember why I forgot about you. Way to go, Jigglypuff.

CatLadyLarew said...

Gee... isn't it a little early in the school year to already be having these fantasies? Surely you weren't imagining your students instead of action figures in the jaws of Cerberus? Or could they be the ones inspiring the interest in Charles Manson?

I'm guessing the Labor Day break wasn't nearly long enough to banish these thoughts.

Kurt said...

HAHAHA! You know what's great about Pokemon? If you space your children out 5 years apart, you can enjoy the craze for like 12 years. Awesome.

Wow, that was awkward said...

How come you didn't work Alanis Morissette as God in here somehow? I think the Coen brothers might make a movie out of this one.

Chief said...

Thank God, my kids never did the Pokemon thing. This post would have been mine some day.

I love the Smiths

Margo said...

my household totally missed out on Pokemon and they only liked Harry Potter until everyone else did too. I'm pretty sure they have boxes that they will hold on to for a long long time under directive of some invisible existential cult like figure - Barbie, perhaps. I'm afraid to open them. I'm pretty sure Sparkle would put a hex on me. (your photoshop skilz are impressive :)

Soda and Candy said...

My nephew used to love those damn Pokemon cards. But he kept making up rules in the middle of playing, always mysteriously beneficial to his hand at the time.

diane said...

I have no freaking idea what all of you are talking about, Jigglypuff. I feel so left out.
I think your three headed dog picture is kind of cool, though.
Your post is creeping me out. I'm locking my doors.

Jay Ferris said...

Perhaps your version of Jigglypuff prefers to draw swastikas and penises onto foreheads instead?

C.B. Jones said...

Jigglypuff was the Britney Spears of Pokemon. She never was the same after that stint in rehab, and the lump that formed on her head after getting hit by an ultra ball outside that Blackthorn City night club...

Char said...

A good old Manson documentary is really hard to beat. That would be especially true if you feel you are among family. ha

word ver: surialy 9manson style)

JennyMac said...

I hope our little son never likes Pokemon!

Vic said...

Wouldn't it be perfect if there were Manson Family action figures somewhere? I'm going to check Ebay.

My son says she looks like bubble gum. Her singing is pretty bizarre.

Miss Yvonne,
I didn't know JP was a starlet. That explains the diva attitude.

Now that you mention it, I may or may not have had a couple of 6th period freshmen in mind....

So can you explain to me how JP is both a girl and a boy, yet doesn't really change? Pokemon is complex; good to know I have a Pokemon Master around.

I'm afraid of Alanis Morrisette. She could kick my ass.

"and if a ten ton bus, kills the both of us...." Oh, the memories...:)

I bet Sparkle has some really cool things stashed away - she's very creative.
Congrats on escaping the Pokemon thing. We really only skirted the edges of the craze, thankfully.

Soda and Candy,
My son does the same thing. "But that's how you play it!" he always says, but there is never any rule sheet to consult. How is that?

Count yourself very lucky not to have your brain crowded up with Pokemon trivia. I'll try to write about something less creepy next time, something relaxing. I'm thinking pudding.

Definitely. It's okay with me as long as she's using the marker and not the switchblade. Now there's a nightmare.

C.B. Jones,
I told you to stop reading Pokemon Enquirer, didn't I?

Nothing says entertainment like grisly murder. :)

The key is, never say that out loud. Ever. Otherwise, it's a done deal. You'll have Pokemon cards everywhere, even under the refrigerator.
Shhhh.... :)

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I have a Charles Manson lunchbox. It has a photo of his face, and he's saying something on it that I can't remember right now. I lost the thermos.

I brought it to school and almost convinced the students that it was Cat Stevens, but the swastika gave it away. Kids these days are so smart it's scary.

Pearl said...

Ahh. The Manson family. Went to high school with people who looked like that.

As for the Pokemon, I have no idea what you people are talking about...


Chelsea Talks Smack said...

manson on the history channel? why have i not seen this... hm.

erin said...

I read this post when you posted it and came back to tell you I had a dream about Wendy and Cerberus. She went on a journey to the Underworld and had to take the boat ride with Charon and the whole nine yards. I don't understand why she was doing this though...

Cat said...

You're possibly the only person on earth who can make me go, "Huh?"

You win the award for Most Confusing Confusing Shit.

Jocelyn said...

Between the Manson gang feeling like family and the Jigglypuff references, I'm now moving to your neighborhood, just so I can make scones and, um, bring them over, and, er, become your really special friend

in a totally non-creepy, non-stalkerish way.

Maybe we could talk about Clefairy sometimes.

The Jules said...

"It’s just a picture. Sheesh"

Oh I can sympathise, I'm fed up with explaining that my sculptures are just sculptures, but everyone wants to point out they're made of dildos and frozen breast milk.

Honestly, can't see the wood for the boobs, some people.

Lulu said...


You're still spinny, aren't you?

LiLu said...

It's cool... angst is the new black.