Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Probably next they’ll get earthworms. Then we could open a bait shop.

At the risk of abandoning the hard- hitting journalistic coverage you’ve grown to expect here at WWYT, and an even  greater risk of becoming the All-Cats-All-The-Time station, let me just get a couple of kitten-related things off my chest, and we’re moving on.  Deal?

First, and most important--  It’s been a long time since I’ve been as touched as I was by all of your responses to my last post.  It’s such an unexpected thing to be surrounded here in this little virtual cocoon by so many great people; when I started this blog I never expected to have any readers at all.   Your comments meant a lot to me, and helped to make a really bad day more bearable.  I’m feeling grateful to be here, and to know you all, even from a distance. So, thank you.

Second, I think I owe the shelter lady an apology for making her seem more callous than she was. Her timing may have been a bit off, but she was a very nice woman, and she was concerned about my kids, and the solitary kitten left at home.  (In fact, I called the shelter a couple of days ago because we discovered we needed to know whether Violet was gone, so we could let go.  The shelter lady had kept Violet two more days, giving her pain relief and cortisone, in the hopes that it was some muscle thing the doctors missed.  Sadly, it wasn’t and the kitten continued to go downhill.  Ultimately they did put her to sleep, but I was touched that she also didn’t want to give up on the baby with the wise little face.)

Then, surprisingly, my son decided he wanted to get another kitten to keep Vladimir company, so we adopted another one three days ago.  Dmitri.  Naturally. He’s sweet, but a follower.

Third,  to all the people who told me that “cats are easy”, I would like to report that you are all Big Damn Liars.  Cats, from my vast experience of a roughly a week, are practically a full time job. They keep us up all night pouncing and thundering and eating meatloaf scented food and walking on the heads of the unconscious.  They stalk the dog, who cowers from them, and has the worried eyes of someone whose anti-anxiety medication has run low.

They require a firm hand.

Also, I have been back to my vet twice in the last twenty-four hours toting a bulging Sack O’ Kittens.  (One of them escaped the carrier on the way home today -  a loose cat in the car while on the freeway= excitement!) Thank you, local shelter, for sending home with us two kittens each with an upper respiratory infection, eye infection, and three (three!) varieties of worms. (One type of worm doesn’t even appear on the wall charts.  That’s how cutting edge these cats are.)

The vet sent us home with enough medication to open our own cat pharmacy-- pastes, gels, powders, and liquid antibiotics, all of which I have to force down or rub in the eyes of squirming, irritated cats twice a day.
Enough.  Back to the news, because it’s my job to keep you informed about all the crucial happenings.

Here’s one.  Remember my neighbor, whose yard looks like this?


yardatrocity

Gazing ball man has added to his collection!  I know!  Luckily he had some extra unoccupied pillars, because now, flanking his door, are two green pears the size of small refrigerators. Apparently he’s moving away from the animals-in-chains/everything whitewashed motif and towards a more vegetarian world view.

I tried to get a picture of the pears (I’m on the scene for you!) but he almost caught me and I had to nonchalantly walk away with my cell phone up to my ear like I was talking to someone, when really the phone was recording a video of the palm of my hand.

One more thing:

vlad Vlad’s shelter mug shot.  This is where all the trouble started.
That’s it, I promise.  Unless you think he needs a shower cap?

28 comments:

Jules said...

I believe we said CATS are easy. KITTENS are not. Kind of like ADULTS are easier than INFANTS. You know...some concept.

And when are you painting all of your stuff pink?? I think that would shock the crap out of your neighbor...

Mobius said...

lawn art rocks... just ask my wife.

The Peach Tart said...

Cute kitty. All I can say about your neighbor's house front - tacky.

CatLadyLarew said...

How sweet! No wonder you fell in love with Vladimir. Welcome to Dimitri!

diane said...

I love your cat stories, keep 'em coming! The idea of a loose kitty in the car on the freeway is a little horrifying.
Kudos to your neighbor for upping his game.
Have a great Wednesday (whatever that entails: grading papers, bad coffee in the teacher's lounge). : )

truestarr said...

Actually, the only cats I've ever found "easy" were at least 10 years old and slept a lot in your favorite chair or else on your pillow.

Jules is right tho, kittens are NOT easy. (But they DO make you laugh so hard you cry!)

erin said...

Although I still feel for you and your kids after your kitten experience AND I love the kitten's names...

I hate cats.
My ex bought Rose a cat for her first birthday. We named him Jack and he grew into a huge giant who always tried to get outside, jumped in the tub with me or Rose all the time and sprayed on anything plastic (even after being neutered).
He shed everywhere and since he got out so much ended up getting fleas which bit the hell out of my kids and made Rose sick. It turns out she has a rare allergy to flea bites and started to get anemic. Wow. I just lost it on you...sorry.
Needless to say, my ex ended up taking Jack out to his aunt's farm...where he now lives in a barn, bathes in a stream and eats mice and birds. Whew, I feel better now.

miss. chief said...

i used to have a road-cat. i was living in a truck for a few months travelling around northern B.C. because i was a hippy, and my boyfriend at the time and myself adopted a kitten during that time. that kitty loved it when we were driving around. he liked looking out the windows.
also, he was a manx, which are the coolest cats in the universe. they have extra vertebrae and no tail usually. aw, i miss Lumplestiltskin (lumpy) dimensions.

garftayl said...

I have to concur with Jules cats are easy kittens however are not, just think though, this cute stage doesn't last long, soon they have the rule over the house and fart in the faces of the unconscious because they can. My cat isn't the nicest of them all, maybe I can stage a coup or something and over throw him from power. He even has my two large dogs under his iron paw...

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

yes - jules has it - cats are easy, kittens are ... a NIGHTMARE. but far easier than puppies or even dogs. but they do also tend to be more difficult to medicate than dogs too.

good luck with the kitties, found you from somewhere, maybe pearl? i don't know. why am i drunk at 12 in the afternoon?

Soda and Candy said...

Vlad is devastatingly cute.

Also, I hear ya. Dogs are much easier to give medicine to because they'll do what you tell them even if they don't like it.

But on the flipside, cats wash themselves and bury their own poop.

Daisy said...

I am glad to learn that you are now totally immersed in All Things Cat. We will be taking over the world. Soon.

Jay Ferris said...

Raise them with a firm hand, and you'll reap the benefits should you ever be forced to throw them at a bad guy's face during a home invasion.

diane said...

@Erin: Poor Rosie! She's having a tough time with pets. Am I confusing her with someone else or did she step in your neighbor's dog's poop?

Dominica said...

Did your neighbour ever break something ?
I would hit at least 1 item a week, certainly in the morning...brave man !
(and you, brave brave girl)

Chief said...

heh...cats are of the devil! Just jokes.

Waiting for the picture

LiLu said...

Someone said cats are easy? Me and the 90 hours of sleep I've missed over the past 6 months would like a word, please.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

A pair of pears???

Oh.
A hoo.
A hoo hoo.
A Ha.
A Haha.
A HAHAHA!!
BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!
*chokes*
*falls over*
*dies of laughter*

Your neighbor is a GAS, Vic.

(I'm working on my sarcasm. Was that good?)

And PS: When you said, "They require a firm hand", I got chills. Did you type that with a German accent? Because that's how I read it.

ShoesFit said...

Being guilty of telling you cats are easy, I have to add that I've never gone for 2 cats at a time, nor have I ever had the bad fortune to adopt a sick one. I think that you or FBO must have amassed some bad kitty karma or something...I've had cats my whole life and have never had such woes! Sorry...!!

chupacabra said...

I think you could show the video of your neighbors house to a judge and get him committed to a psych hospital for at least a 72 hour eval.

C. Andres Alderete said...

"They keep us up all night pouncing and thundering..." Nice.

Vic said...

Jules,
So, what you're saying is....cats get easier, like in two years? Five?
I've been duped. (Lucky for me they're cute)

Can I just paint the neighbor's stuff pink? Maybe he'd put it away then.

Mobius,
I'm not convinced you're in the same league as my neighbor. Do you have seven flamingos, two Madonnas and some plaster crocodiles?

The Peach Tart,
Gazing Ball Man is the High Priest of Tacky. People drive by all the time and slow down to take it all it.

CatLady,
Thanks (from the Russian boys.) My daughter saw him on the website and there was no peace after that...:)

diane,
You had my Wednesday pretty much nailed- it's like you're following me! (And it's very kind of you to tolerate my feline anecdotes.)

truestarr,
Oh no, now I'm waiting ten years...
They do crack us up. We caught Vlad drinking from a straw this afternoon. I didn't know they could do that.

Erin,
I can see why you don't like cats. Only, please tell me "to a farm" wasn't a euphemism. Those words give animals nightmares.

miss.chief,
What happened to your lumpy kitty? And your hippie boyfriend? That's a story I want to hear sometime. I'm not kidding.

garftayl,
Which confirms my suspicion that Vlad is going to become the household dictator with time. He will rule with a furry fist.

Speaking From The Crib,
Nice to have you here! And remember, it's always five o'clock somewhere...

Soda and Candy,
I still can't get over how transparent their little teeth are (I see them as they are fighting off the syringe). I'll give Vlad a pat for you.

Daisy,
I have no doubts about that. I always suspected it, but now I know. At least you will always be dressed stylishly for the revolution. :)

Jay Ferris,
I may have to hit you up for some good cat lobbing techniques - Do you wad them up in a ball first for maximum velocity? Full side-arm swing? Overhead? I don't want to be unprepared.

Dominica,
I HAVE been feeling pretty clumsy lately - I might just stumble (Oopsy!) over a lighthouse tomorrow, and see how that goes...

Chief,
Not the devil - just high level minions. These are Russian minions, which makes them extra diabolical.

LiLu,
I think they're shopping at a different cat store. Maybe where they give them Prozac, or roofies.
Mine just have worms, and they aren't happy about it.

Steamy,
I was wearing a figurative trenchcoat when I typed it, one-handed. (the other was holding my riding crop). Probably that affected the tone of my typing.

My neighbor is a homophone laugh riot!!!! (I'm working on my sarcasm too. I think we're coming along pretty good.)

ShoesFit,
That's true, you never actually said get TWO, (or three) and be sure to pick the sick ones.
It does seem to be a gift we have.
You are absolved of all guilt, and also, where did you get that interesting name?....That sounds like there's a story behind it...:)

Chupacabra,
True, very true, but if he's locked up, what will I have left to blog about. Cats, that's what. I think we all need the Gazing Ball Man, more than we are willing to admit.

C. Andres,
I love your little ID picture! And your dry sense of humor (I've been reading, but neglecting my commenting duties all over town lately.)

The Jules said...

My worms deveoped a kitten round them, which was a bit hard to get rid of.

Luckily, it cleared up on it's own.

Carolyn...Online said...

Oh shit you've had a week. So sorry. All animals are work. This is what I consider my children - animals that are work.

Mandy's Kidding said...

I'm so glad human babies don't get worms as often as pet babies do.

Margo said...

early adopter wildkittens! Glad things are looking up :)

Pearl said...

That cat is both adorable and likely to steal your car keys in a couple months.

I'd keep an eye out if I were you!

Pearl

Jocelyn said...

There is no other blog that makes me laugh as hard as yours. Seriously. Funny.

The gazing ball thing alone has made my day. Sure, I'm a cheap date, but you can be flattered.

I'm copying and pasting some of your kitty spiel to my former dean (of Liberal Arts & Sciences!!!) who just got a new cat last month. The whole pouncing on the head business explains his recent poor job performance.

And, yes, these are cutting edge cats you've got. They're, like, Cat 2.0.