Mostly I just pretend to like Christmas. I could happily live without slice-y angel hair and Secret Santa popcorn canisters and Mariah Carey Christmas songs. I don't treasure the twenty years of snapshots of the EXACT SAME CHRISTMAS TREE. We have ornaments I keep trying intentionally to break,especially the Precious Moments praying-toddler-wiseman one that was a gift from my mother-in-law, but that's made of some space-age indestructible material. Once I threw a Disney Christmas CD out the window of the car, and then drove over it. A person can only take so much.
I am a closet Grinch. I was just tarting up the blog to distract you. My blog is my Christmas beard.
Also, I have to keep up appearances at home, because my husband (the Ebay addict) has come home every day this week with Santa hats. There are enough Santa hats in the house now to cover every living head in the house three or four times. No one will wear them, but it's good to know we're never going to run out of seasonal novelty head-wear. That's security.
As usual, I've wandered off topic. Actually, what I really wanted to talk about is the gift that keeps on giving, and that is Miss Yvonne at Yo Mama's Blog.
I was talking to Steamy and Kurt a little bit ago about how great Miss Yvonne is, and we all wanted to write a post about her genius and then, I'm sad to report, there was a scuffle, and Steamy said something about how my interpretative canoeing is strictly amateur-level, and I made a little "mhmm, mhmm" sound like when you french-kiss a tub of cream cheese because she especially loves that, and then I tried to get her in a headlock, but Kurt broke it up with his handsomeness (which is totally
Finally we decided to share Miss Yvonne, which sounds much more lascivious and awesome than I am up for, frankly.
But I love Miss Yvonne.
She always makes me laugh. Every single time. I want to go over to her house and hang out, as long as she doesn't make me help with Christmas decorations. I hear she's crazy-picky about the tree skirt and she probably wouldn't approve of my method of only decorating the front part of the tree.
If you haven't been over to Yo Mama's Blog, you need to go there, because it is a cornucopia of cool. (I just made that up off the top of my head. It's best to leave the alliteration to the professionals.)
For instance, Miss Yvonne listens to werewolf soft-porn audio books at work. Apparently this is a sure-fire way to excite gay men. Also, she decorates corn on the cob with penis-shaped straws, which is a daring design option.
a) use her kitchen strainer to clean the fish tank (Somehow Captain Carl managed to herd me out the door before I could grab a paring knife and shank Eco. )
b) are potential kitty rapists
c) live librarian- by -day/sexy- cougar- by- night lives.
She's always on the lookout for her own personal Cheesus,
So I heard a story on the news this morning that some lady found the image of Jesus in a cheeto. And she almost bit into it when she saw the little Jesus face, so she looked closer and she saw not only his face, but also his whole body. She named it Cheesus, which I'm pretty sure is sacrilegious but also hilarious. Then the news lady person said that most everyone will see the image of Jesus in an unassuming object at some point in their life.but lately she's been stalking Harry Connick, Jr.,
I've started looking here in my cubelet this morning, but so far nothing. I thought for a minute I saw Jesus on the peel of my banana, but it turned out to be Christian Bale, which is close but not quite.
I'll meet you outside your house for lunch when I get into town next week, okay? I'll be the one wearing reindeer antlers and climbing your security fence.something I'm pretty sure we all can relate to.
When I first found her blog I was excited because her header says she trains monkeys, but so far that's a part of her life she's keeping super-secret apparently. I keep coming back every day, because I know someday soon she's going to tell us all her monkey-wrangling secrets. I hope she hurries up though, because I'm thinking about getting my husband one for Christmas, and I don't know how well they get along with cats wearing tiny Santa hats.
So you should go over there. Say 'hi'. Hit the follow button. (But only if you promise to come back and maybe follow me an extra time. It's like a finder's fee. Also, I'd be lonely here by myself with all those cookie widgets and broken ornaments.)
Besides, Miss Yvonne loves Steamy and Kurt and I too. Here's what she said about us:
I'm just as funny and witty and good looking as all of them, right? Okay, maybe not quite as funny but I'm definitely as good looking and probably better in bed than all of them. Just sayin'.It's true.