Monday, February 08, 2010

She Does Not Have the Diarrhea. (Or so she claims.)




A Poem for Erin

She does not have the diarrhea
It merely was a tiny tootle
"Blame it on my diet, see the
cabbage soup is really brutal."

She's skinny now ("I read my labels!")
Red meat, white bread, candy, Coke,   
All are banned from Erin's table,
"Aspartame is not a joke."

Her greatest love is Jeremiah
Ben Folds might be # 2,
"If not for Maxine, Rose, Elijah,
Olivia is Darling too."

Erin wonders why the waiter
Seems to hate her, she's perplexed,
Erin wonders how it works
When ugly people have the sex.

"I'm a blogger, I'm a dork,
I've had some visits from the stork",
Her scarves and hats are loved by all,
er...Jeremiah's pretty tall. 

"I do not have the diarrhea,
It merely was a tiny fart",
Writing this was her idea,
Writing this came from my heart.

--Vic


(Love ya, Erin.  So......when do I get that cool owl pillow?  We don't really need to wait for any other entries do we? Jeremiah? Are you with me?)
(Its eyes are very boobarific-  If I win I'm putting it in the front window. All the kids getting off the middle school bus will love it.)

26 comments:

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Seriously? A poem AND an animated portrait. How the hell are we supposed to top THAT, huh? *frantically digs through closet for tap shoes and lederhosen*

I hope this is not the last time I ever hear mention of farts accompanied by violin music.

Jules said...

THAT is SUPER AWESOME! I'm not sure HOW you made that video.....

Kurt said...

You see? Even though the owl has boob-eyes I could never compete with that. This would be what it's like if David Lynch directed Sesame Steet.

Kim said...

Damn woman, that was AWESOME! How the hell did you do that?? That portrait alone was win-worthy, but you just had to go for the extra credit, didn't you?

Tony said...

I quit. God, I just wanted to write a simple story, and everyone's making up all this awesome stuff, and I just want to quit this, and quit my life.

This was really good...and that makes me jealous

erin said...

Incredibly awesome Vic. And I love you too.

Just don't tell Beckerino...I've been playing hard to get with her for weeks now!

just making my way said...

Totally amazing! If Steamy does a vlog in tap shoes and lederhosen, she might have you beat though...

Carolyn...Online said...

Dammit I can't see whatever the fancy animated thing is at the top because my stupid computer has gone apoplectic and now I feel totally left out.

Miss Yvonne said...

Well *throws hands up in the air* just forget it...no way can I compete with that. I was going to post a picture of my boobs with an owl face drawn on, but forget it. Just forget it.

Elly Lou said...

I'm going to have nightmares about that video. Thanks.

Dr Zibbs said...

Ha. Did you make this?

Chelle said...

omfg. do me.

Chelle said...

Also... any which way you choose to interpret the phrase, "do me" will be acceptable after this post.


Too far, Self? Have you gone too far? No. I haven't. Nor do I intend to proof read this comment.

Amanda said...

Epic. I'm totally impressed! You should win the boob-eyed owl pillow!

linlah said...

Love the background music and the kids getting off the bus will surely enjoy seeing the owl.

Prosy said...

damn I don't even have any good ideas about what I'm going to do now that you STOLE MY IDEA OF AN ANIMATED DRAWING AND TALKING SCARF.
I'm watching you Vic

Ed Adams said...

What the FUCK was that?!

I am so confused and slightly disturbed by that, that I might just cover myself in fecal matter and lay in the center of the mall while holding a sign that says, "This is art."

TC said...

All of the above.
Do you have any more of whatever you have been taking?
Not that you are nuts or anything.

Yeah how are we supposed to get people to our blogs, all I've got is a talking dog.....

LiLu said...

I thought you were going to tell me how to fix my diarrhea!

No?

Awkward.

@eloh said...

(?) I'm behind with the scoop on the poop.

Maggie May said...

the diarrhea!!!!

Vic said...

Steamy,
You in lederhosen equals top-of-the-heap entertainment - I am so going down in flames.

Fart talk and tubas could be good too.

Jules,
Thanks Jules - yours is awesome too.
It's a long boring story how I made it, involving expatriate elves and a bartender from New Mexico. You don't want to hear it.

Kurt,
I love the David Lynch/Sesame Street idea. It's pretty much what's playing in my head all the time. That and Partridge Family re-runs.

Kim,
It just sort of snowballed on me. I love your drawing.

Tony,
Thanks! I think you should definitely write the story - you make me laugh. Can Shia be in it?

erin,
I'll never tell. I hope you're not scared of your scarves now. I might have ruined your Etsy shop. Sorry about the nightmares. :)

just making,
I think so too - Steamy's tap-dancing is legendary. If she throws in some yodeling, it's going to be a slam-dunk for her.

Carolyn,
It was an armchair chat, like on PBS. I discussed the impact of Erin on the course of modern literature. Very exciting.

Miss Yvonne,
If you draw Erin's face on your boobs, you'd definitely have a shot. Please, please?

Elly Lou,
You're welcome. I think the only cure is to buy one of Erin's scarves immediately. Desensitize yourself and the nightmares go away. Blue is pretty.

Dr. Zibbs,
Ha. Yes, I did. Which makes me all kinds of pitifully nerdy, I know. Good to see you!

Chelle,
Don't toy with me, Chelle. You know I'm already half in love with you already. It's too much temptation. (But I DO have access to your picture....hmm...)

Vic said...

Amanda,
Thanks! I do think he's really cute. And really alert, which I admire.

linlah,
Thanks! I like to think the music gave the poem a Civil War feel. Erin is like Scarlett O'Hara with crocheted clothing.

Prosy,
I have no idea what you're talking about. *twitch*

Ed,
Didn't you do that last weekend? It's only art the first time. After that it's just sad.

I think the same thing when I watch the video. I sit at my computer and think "Fuck! What was that?" Seriously. I scare me.

TC,
Does your dog say anything worthwhile? Like stock tips, or TMZ gossip? I'm going to have to come snoop around now, you know.

Lilu,
Cheese. Lots of cheese.

@eloh,
You have to read Erin's blog post (link in poem). She has very funny children.

Maggie May,
I know! The diarrhea!

diane said...

Vic, that was the most effing awesome thing ever!!! The talking scarf really put it over the top. You are totally my blogging hero!
(you had me at diarrhea)

Fragrant Liar said...

I just don't even know what to say to that. Except that I don't have the diarrhea either. I won't claim what it actually was, however.

P.S. My word verif is outedher. !! WTF? I didn't admit to anything!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

That was the best!