Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Suddenly soup sounds good.

"So what are you giving up ?" my son asks me this morning, casually, over an English muffin.
"Giving up?" 
"Yeah, like for Lent and stuff."  He picks the too-brown edge off the side and throws it to the dog.  The piece bounces off the top of the dog's head and lands under the table.
"We're not Catholic," I say.  "Not even a little bit."
"Well, everyone at school is talking about it, so I'm going to give something up too."
"Okay," I say.  "What are you going to give up?"
"Spoons," he says.
"Spoons?"  I look to see whether he is kidding, but his face is earnest. Virtuous.
"I really like spoons."
Well, okay. I'm thinking it might be an out-of-the-box kind of choice, but that's the kind of people we are. 
This is just a quick check-in, because a couple of people were wondering if I was dead.  The answer is no, not dead, but longing for a merciful release from the purgatory of staff in-services.  Today I made the presenter's face go all red and sweaty from my insightful questions,and then he just stopped calling on me altogether for some reason, so I had to go back to drawing clear boxes on my handout.

I'll be back tomorrow, after I dig my way out from under a million terrible essays that must be graded by tomorrow.  Before I go back to reading and weeping, here are a couple of student essay highlights for you to ponder.  Perhaps make them part of your morning meditations.

From a freshman student essay today:  
The Irish gave us potatoes.  If it wasn't for the Irish we wouldn't have no carbs.  Some people think the Irish are always drunk, but I say be greatful for the potatoes. 
  From a senior essay:

         Thick, black, smoke poured into his every orifice, like a feast of buttermilk, or cheddar cheese.

Mmm, cheese.


Megs said...

I am 'greatful' to the Irish for Jamesons. Probably you are too, by now.

Tony said...

The kid does have a point. Potatoes are delicious.

Venom said...

Screw the potatos, I appreciate the Irish for what's really important - the silky goodness of Irish Cream Whiskey. Which I'll be giving up for lent, of course.

When is lent again? Ah, forget it.

Mobius said...

My son came home and said he was giving up saxophone for lent. I too pointed out that we aren't Catholic, but I think he thought he could sneak it through.

Cynthia L. H. said...

I love the "giving up spoons." It really would make life a little bit more difficult.

diane said...

I love your son, in a non creepy way.
"In service day" sounds like one of those weird ritual things where the principal goes around lashing the teachers with rosary beads.
I think your senior essay writer might be into some drugs. His sentence probably made perfect sense to him.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

"like a feast of buttermilk..."

The whole sentence is gold, but that fragment alone. Wow.

Tonight we dine!! On BUTTERMILK!!!

Tgoette said...

Amazing stuff. Spoons? How random! Your kid sounds really fun! As for the students, I wasn't aware that the Irish invented potatoes. Wow, you learn something new everyday! LOL!

miss. chief said...

Yeah, like steamy there, the whole 'feast of buttermilk' simile just kind of got me right in the question mark that is what I'm feeling at this moment. Like a ravenous butterfly, I am the milk of steamed ravens.
What? Did I pass high school?

Kez said...

Do you know who would not be able to give up spoons? My mum. She loves spoons too.

I am grateful to the Irish for their Irish pubs and stand up comedians.

Ed Adams said...

These damn kids nowadays!

I always wanted to say that. Makes me seem more older and maturer than I am.

Now I'm off to have a baked potato with cheese.

Maybe even wash it down with some buttermilk.

P.S. Spoons for lent is GENIUS! Who needs'em anyway?!

chupacabra said...

Spoons and buttermilk both feasts of greatness.

Jules said...

I'd like to thank the Irish for carbs. I like carbs. Especially potatoes. And vodka. Thanks to the Irish!!

diane said...

laughing at Miss Chief's comment.
Kez's comment reminds me to be grateful for Conan O'Brien.
The more I think about it, I think giving up spoons is the most brilliant thing I've ever heard of. I'm thinking of giving up q-tips.

just making my way said...

I'm with Jules. Potatoes and vodka, mmmmmmm. Also, Bailey's.

Wow, it's 9am and I sound like an alcoholic.

otherworldlyone said...

One of the only reasons I would ever want to be a teacher would be to read things like that. I know, I know! I'm selfless and dedicated to today's youth.

Spoons ARE pretty awesome.

Logical Libby said...

Cheese filled orifices? Drunk Irish potato givers? I hope you don't teach World History...

bikramyogachick said...

Spoons? That's cute....
The essays...that makes me sad!

kate said...

Well, if we wouldn't have no carbs, I'd probably be a skinny in that case, fuck the Irish AND their potatoes.

I don't know how you grade things like that without just bursting into tears every time you come across a double negative or a poorly used comma. I'd have a mental breakdown.

Kim said...

Last year my son's second grade teacher told us at orientation that Spelling was only a small percentage of their Language Arts grades and nothing to stress over. She shrugged and said, "That's what Spellcheck's for, right?"

I'm greatful that he has a different teacher this year.

msprimadonna67 said...

My eleven year old came home yesterday asking me the same thing--what I was giving up for for Lent. (We're not Catholic, either.) It had come up in her class as well, though she didn't quite know why some of her friends were giving up something. I explained a bit of the idea behind it, and told her if she wanted to participate, that was totally up to her. Looks like we'll be saving money on soda for the next month and a half.

MJenks said...

Screw the potatoes, I thank the Irish for important things, like fair-skinned, red-headed lasses.

Er, I mean, greatful.

The mad woman behind the blog said...

Mom is Catholic, said she's giving up TV. She doesn't have cable so I don't think she's really missing anything.
I love the Irish for their Guinness. Hmmm, and their blue eyes and dark hair.
I gave up Catholicism a while back for Lent. Funny, I never missed it.

CatLadyLarew said...

That one from the senior is a little scary.... smoked gouda, perhaps?

Carolyn...Online said...

I gave up being Catholic.

Pearl said...

Oh! The boy is giving up spoons! That's quite sweet, actually...

Oh, and the essays? The Irish in me wants to hold down the one kid and force him to eat a dictionary. I don't think it will help, but I do enjoy a good fight.


Lulu said...

I gave up being a second-class citizen and Latin and guilt and ashes....yeah, Carolyn...Online, I gave up being Catholic as well. I'm going to hell, but lots and lots of my friends will be there.

Surly Scott said...

Your son is very insightful. If I gave up spoons maybe I could lose some weight.

Amanda said...

My hubby teaches History and once an essay went like this:

"Italians are known for two things: Their history and their love of pizza."

Pizza indeed.

jadedj said...

I will never eat cheddar cheese again. Thank God I have a bag of potatoes to keep the smoke out of my orifices. Oh, and I only drink buttermilk with scotch.

BTW - what's this lent thing? Are bellybuttons considered orifices?

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Umm, how long is Lent anyway? Because if it's only a week or so, I can give up potato chips. If it's longer than that, it's going to have to be sex.

Fragrant Liar said...

If I have cheese in my orifice? I'm going to the doctor.

オテモヤン said...


Kurt said...

If I had to choose between smoke or buttermilk being poured into all my orifices, I'd just try waking up. Because THAT can only be a dream.