Comments on What Were You Thinking?: Ted Offers You His Special Gold Tip Shaft

A doily on my headrest? Why haven't I thought...

2010-06-07T04:43:28.536-07:00

A doily on my headrest? Why haven't I thought of that?!?! And Shabby Chic covers for my seats?!

I bought my second hand van last year to accommodate the obnoxious accoutrement of Multiple Sclerosis, which it has been perfect for.

But the interior is...I swear...some form of black and green camouflage. It's creepy.

Time for some doilies. And, no surprises here, I have millions of them!

I love culture.

2010-05-04T20:23:41.856-07:00

I love culture.

You normal pure genius- very good. My neighbors do...

2010-05-04T11:23:27.768-07:00

You normal pure genius- very good. My neighbors don't realize we don't live in a trailer park anymore and in fact, live in a nice neighborhood with nice, new houses. There are pink flamingos and outdoor lighting that is supposed to look 'classy', but is the opposite of that everywhere.
My neighbor shot dove from his backyard the first year I was back from Iraq. Within days my neighbor across the street had his annual picnic with requesite gunfire. Yes, it made me a little 'twitchy'.
But, anyway- Texas my Texas.

I once owned a rabbit pelt purse. I thought I was...

2010-05-01T10:09:44.232-07:00

I once owned a rabbit pelt purse. I thought I was fancy.
Not sad those days are behind me. And I second that: please don't mention Ted Nugent and shaft in the same sentence again. Ew.

Hey Vic :) Looking at that boar pic gave me a ma...

2010-04-29T13:43:17.209-07:00

Hey Vic :)

Looking at that boar pic gave me a major "Twilight: New Moon" flashback!! (And I loved what your son said/did ... wanna trade him for my Grandfather?)

Exorcist 300!!! ... Why are you not reknowned on an even greater global scale??

I'm looking into the coyote tongue. And no, i...

2010-04-29T05:53:52.975-07:00

I'm looking into the coyote tongue.

And no, it didn't have Billy the Singing Bass. BUT my grandfather did have one on his wall. And if I ever hear "Take me to the river" again, it will be too soon. :)

There is a very fine line between the Elmer Fudd h...

2010-04-28T15:57:54.447-07:00

There is a very fine line between the Elmer Fudd hunters of your youth and the Killer Elf Supply store, be very careful.

Doilies on the headrest? That's nothing. I wea...

2010-04-27T21:13:11.655-07:00

Doilies on the headrest? That's nothing. I wear doily pantyliners. Top THAT!

Ah, man. I see now that Kurt beat me to the doily comment and did it better.

Sounds just like a weekend at my husband's gra...

2010-04-27T19:16:40.724-07:00

Sounds just like a weekend at my husband's grandparent's house. Come see me in Texas sometime. You'll feel like you need a shower pretty much all day long.

A rabbit? How would you describe its expres...

2010-04-27T03:13:20.227-07:00

A rabbit? How would you describe its expression?

When I was a youngster, I saw Ted Nugent pull up a...

2010-04-26T22:55:33.663-07:00

When I was a youngster, I saw Ted Nugent pull up a girl on stage in Ft. Worth. It was odd because a signature shaft might have been involved.

Hey, you should buy that boar as a peace offering to your neighbor with all the yard bling.

cassie, It's nice to meet you! catlady, I thi...

2010-04-26T20:55:02.981-07:00

cassie,
It's nice to meet you!

catlady,
I think shooting a sibling with an arrow might make you a redneck, even without the taxidermy. I'm going to have to check the handbook.

Kurt,
That would be like hog church, in which case the fingers still go in the nostrils, only the fingers are wearing white gloves.

justmaking,
That would have to be one HUGE doily to make Ted Nugent tolerable. Wait, did I just compliment him?

erin,
Sometimes it's possible to encounter rednecks in the wild, in their natural environment. I hope you didn't spook them.

Libby,
Also it simulates the womb, if that womb hung out in taverns. So soothing.

otherworldly,
Did the Room of Death have a singing bass plaque? I'm pretty sure it had to. Where can you buy a rubber coyote tongue? You know, just hypothetically?

Zibbs!
It's pretty much kill or be killed. Wild Bore is much easier to hunt - you can find them in the city.

Baldy,
I know! I especially love the poorly done ones, where the eyes are slightly wonky. Whimsy!

kate,
How long have you been crushin' on the Nuge? I think you li-i-i-ke him!

Summer,
How many family members do you think I've offended? I've lost count...:)

Jules,
So, you know that abandoned truck out back??.....

JustLinda,
I'm on to you now-- unless you have a totally hot tube-sock twin out here...?

Ed,
"If you need a Nugent Signature Shaft to pick up dinner, you might be a redneck..."

miss chief,
The best part about doilies are the name. Doily. Doily.

Doily.

Megs,
Megs!!! My dad once shot a quail from the window of a moving car! That we were in! That he was driving! With a beer wedged in his crotch!
I have so many lost relatives here. I'm tearing up.

mjenks,
Don't you wish you knew WHO the anal gel was for? I wish I didn't know...

Wow, TWA,
It makes you realize just how thin the veneer of civilization is, doesn't it?
Tell that boy he can rock the heels.

Taytay,
Good to see you too! I've been truant (school speak). I can't wait for summer.
(Hey, what are you eating? Is that meatloaf?)

I think I once knew a Vic who posted in a similar ...

2010-04-26T19:20:04.198-07:00

I think I once knew a Vic who posted in a similar style then just kind of up and vanished... Glad to see you are back! Summer is just around the corner!

Ted Nugent has a house in Michigan near my exes ho...

2010-04-26T15:23:59.477-07:00

Ted Nugent has a house in Michigan near my exes home town. Going to that part of the world was like a whole town of the archery store. The boys' grandpa is a big time bow hunter. I just try not to think about it too much. And it also helps me feel good about Will's desire to wear high heels all the time.

I've been to a store like that. And I bought ...

2010-04-26T14:28:28.258-07:00

I've been to a store like that.

And I bought stuff...

Fortunately, there were no "freed" girls and tube socks with flip flops wedged into them...

But she might have been preferable to what WAS in those stores...

Also, that's a helluva teaser for the next time, Vic.

I fear having children because there is some dorma...

2010-04-26T14:23:36.327-07:00

I fear having children because there is some dormant redneck gene from my father, lying in wait for me to have children so that I can be punished for mocking the redneck side of my family tree.

My dad's favorite story is the one about how he shot a 10-point buck in the yard from his bedroom window, and how it actually landed on the porch when it died.

You're welcome.

I always drape doilies all over everything I do. M...

2010-04-26T13:04:49.926-07:00

I always drape doilies all over everything I do. Makes me feel fancy.

Rednecks are everywhere. This explains Jeff Foxwor...

2010-04-26T12:20:51.790-07:00

Rednecks are everywhere. This explains Jeff Foxworthy's appeal all those years.

Purple flip flops over tube socks?? I SWEAR I WAS...

2010-04-26T11:17:03.819-07:00

Purple flip flops over tube socks??

I SWEAR I WASN'T EVEN *IN* CALIFORNIA!

hahaha

Oh my.

I swear you live in my neighborhood. Are you sure....

2010-04-26T10:54:18.798-07:00

I swear you live in my neighborhood. Are you sure.....????

Rednecks. You spray and spray and they keep co...

2010-04-26T10:14:25.826-07:00
Rednecks. You spray and spray and they keep coming back.

Quite possibly the most hilarious thing you've ever said. lol.

Uhh, Vic. You're going to have to do me a favo...

2010-04-26T09:38:12.160-07:00
Uhh, Vic. You're going to have to do me a favor and not ever mention the words "Ted Nugent" and "shaft" in the same sentence again. I feel all vomity.

What home isn't classied up by a stuffed wild ...

2010-04-26T09:04:32.061-07:00
What home isn't classied up by a stuffed wild boar. Well, except for the ones without wheels on the sides, that is...

I would kill to have a wild boar!!

2010-04-26T08:50:31.370-07:00
I would kill to have a wild boar!!

Computers. Ugh. You're right. Maybe we are re...

2010-04-26T07:19:17.390-07:00
Computers. Ugh.

You're right. Maybe we are related.

Before my dad started banging some mid-western redneck woman, moved, and my parents got divorced - we had "The Room of Death". It was supposed to be the "office/computer room". But along with the desk and a giant framed photo of labs with ducks in their mouths was a wall full of deer heads and fish. Oh, and one stuffed, snarling coyote standing in the corner. It had a huge rubber tongue that we used to throw at each other.

Good times.